Rape and Reason

Last week I gave "my" lecture on the founding of the Roman Republic. We read about the rape of Lucretia from Livy. In the story the prince of Rome rapes the chaste wife of one of his commrads while her husband is away at the battle front. It was this event that precipitated Brutis’ over-through of the king; setting up 500 years of republican government in Rome. I maintain that the Roman Republic was the inspiration for our own constitution. I always discuss Lucretia’s response to her rape with my students. Several days after the discussion I recieved an e-mail. I present it and the "back-and-forth" that followed. The names and phone numbers have been changed or omitted for the privacy of all involved. I hope you find the ideas interesting.


E-MAIL #1:

"A conversation came up with Suzzy after Parent-Teacher Conference or I would have addressed it then.

Suzzy mentioned that you posed a question to the class as part of a
discussion on class material. She stated that question was whether or not the student would rather be raped or killed. I don’t know the entire context of the discussion, but this question to me seems totally inappropriate for any classroom discussion with the exception of a college level women studies class. And please correct me if I’m wrong or if the question was stated differently. Given the information that I have, however, I have several concerns.

First of all, this is not a question that should be posed to any woman except in a safe environment such as a college level women’s study course where the woman knows what she is getting into or in a support group for rape victims. I can tell you that if this question was posed to me outside of these contexts, I would be enraged. Being raped is a woman’s worst fear and to be asked to contemplate it is unthinkable. And to ask my 15 year old to contemplate such a question is unfathomable. As a mother, this is the last thing I ever want her to have to contemplate at any age.

Second, this is not a question that should be asked in mixed company. To ask a male if he would rather be raped or killed, what does he have to compare it to. And how does it make a female feel to be asked to discuss such a private matter with them. Rape is historically a crime against women, not men. And how do you know that this isn’t sending a message to the males in the class that it’s okay to rape someone, because it is better than killing them.

Third, how do you know that someone in the class hasn’t been molested or raped or have a family member who has been. Because I can tell you that Suzzy does have family members who have been through just such a devastating experience. And she knows what they have had to endure and how it has affected their lives and others as well. This question only serves to remind her of how evil men can be.

Lastly, if you ask Suzzy a question expect to hear her opinion and have the courtesy to respect that opinion. My understanding, and again correct me if I’m wrong, is that you disagreed with her opinion and attempted with other class members to change her opinion. In the end, she was told that she needed to rethink her opinion. What type of classroom environment is this? School should be a safe place for children to learn and explore issues and be granted the right to their own opinions whether they differ from the staff or not.

I trust that if other parents are aware of the discussion, they have responded in a similar manner. If not, then take this as my concern with the discussion and lack of respect for my daughter’s opinion. I do not want this issue to become a class discussion or a discussion with my daughter. I also don’t expect there to be repercussions. If you would like to discuss it further, you can contact me by email or at ### ###-####.

XXXXX XXXXXXX"


E-MAIL #2 (my first response)

"Dear XXXXX XXXXXXX

Thank you for your comments. Our class did discuss the very question you mention in our study of the Rape of Lucretia, a Roman girl, whose rape and subsequent suicide lead to the over through of the Roman monarchy and the establishment of the worlds first republican government. I believe thinking about the terrible consequences of rape is something that young people need to do long before they get into college classes. I also feel that you and I should discuss this in person rather than over e-mail. I would be glad to speak with you about
it, in detail, at your earliest convenience.

Respectfully,
Teacher X


E-MAIL #3

"..Mr. Teacher X,

The reason I contacted you by email is multifold. First, we both have hectic schedules. You teaching classes and me in counseling sessions. So this was the easiest means of communication. In addition, it allowed me the opportunity to calm down a little and think about how I wanted to respond to the issue. I would be more than happy to discuss this further with you, but I have no
intention of debating this issue. I suggest we schedule a time that works with both our schedules. Since I work in Salt Lake City, it will have to be by phone. I'm usually available from 7 - 9am."


E-MAIL #4 (my second response)

"Dear XXXX XXXXXX,

Thank you for your patience. Let me begin by assuring you I do not want to debate with your position. I appreciate being able to share my point of view and I am sure you will treat it with the same respect you justly insist I give to Suzzy’s and your own positions.

First, let me deal with the setting of our classroom discussion: Please let me refer to our class disclosure (Suzzy has the entire document in her notebook). From paragraph one: "The student will be introduced to the great ideas that constitute the world dialogue and shown the tools which will allow him to enter into it. This HONORS program recognizes the value of and the need to prepare students to complete a college degree and build a foundation for a lifelong education; therefore activities and standards will attempt to approximate those followed in a university setting." And from paragraph two: "Students will be required to use the basic tools of learning; thinking, questioning, speaking, memorization, reading, criticism, note taking and creative writing." And under point #9 it reads: ‘in-class activities and discussion."

Next, let me deal with the exact passage from Livy which we were discussing that day: The overall context is that injustice will not be born by a free people and when a king or prince acts unjustly it is the obligation of the people to overthrow him. After brutally abusing Lucretia, Sextus rides away, ". . . proud of his success. The unhappy girl wrote to her father in Rome and to her husband in Ardea, urging them both to come at once with a trusted friend -- and quickly, for a frightful thing had happened. . . . Tears rose to her eyes as they entered, and to her husband’s question, ‘Is it well with you?’ she answered, ‘No. What can be well with a woman who has lost her honor? . . . My heart is innocent, and death will be my witness. Give me your solemn promise that the adulterer shall be punished -- . . . The promise was given. One after another they tried to comfort her. They told her she was helpless, and therefore innocent; that he alone was guilty. It was the mind, they said, that sinned, not the body: without intention there could never be guilt. ‘What is due to him,’ Lucretia said ‘is for you to decide. As for me I am innocent of fault, but I will take my punishment. Never shall Lucretia provide a precedent for unchaste women to escape what they deserve.’ With these words she drew a knife from under her robe, drove it into her heart, and fell forward, dead" (Livy, The Early History of Rome, pg 99) The question which comes to me is: why didn’t Lucretia listen to those who loved her when they pleaded and argued that she was innocent? The answer is because they had never thought the situation through with her - she believed, wrongly, that she was "unchaste". The discussion that this question led to has the purpose of getting the students to think through this important concept.

I would now like to speak to the five concerns in your e-mail.

First - that the question was posed somewhere other than a college "women’s study course".
— I wish no child would ever have to contemplate the horror of rape, but the monsters who perpetuate these crimes do not take age or level of education into consideration. Far too many teenagers will face sexual abuse long before they get to college - many will never take a woman’s study course. I believe it is important that they have thought about it before they are confronted with it. All of us need to know that being a victim of rape does not mean we are unworthy to live. I feel this is a valuable thing to be discussed with young people before they , like Lucretia, are destroyed by a misconception of their ignorance.

Second - having this discussion in mixed company.
— I do not intend to compare sexual abuse on a gender specific basis but young men can be raped and sexually abused. They also can be forced to bear unnecessary guilt for someone else’s crime. Both girls and boys can be cowed into silence by misunderstandings of worthiness or responsibility. Rape is not a vulgar or "dirty’ subject about which we should blush or feel shame, it is a terrible reality with which all must be prepared to deal. In our lesson it was made very clear that Sextus was evil in his acts and as just reward for his perfidy he lost his kingdom and was killed by his angry subjects.

Third - could someone in my class have been molested or raped?
— I assume that my students - male and female - have or will face this terrible situation. It is for this extremity that a discussion of Lucretia can prepare them. They need to think about their attitudes toward rape victims. I have actually had a young lady come to me after this discussion and thank me. She said she had been raped and this was the first time anyone had told her she was still clean (chaste).

Fourth - that I disagreed with Suzzy’s opinion:
— I did. Disagreeing with someone does not show disrespect. The purpose of discussion is to present and even change opinions. I am pleased that Suzzy challenged my ideas, and I gave her every opportunity to express her disagreement. She was eager for me to reconsider my position, I remain eager for her to reconsider her’s. I am pleased that Suzzy has discussed her feeling with you, and if that discussion has clarified her stance, I believe it has been a good thing for her.

In your last paragraph you mention your feeling about other parents’ concerns and restate your believe that I showed a lack of respect for Suzzy’s opinion.
— I have had other parents speak to me about this discussion. Many have expressed their gratitude for opening a door to family discussions and clarification. This is surely my intention, and an important reason for studying history.
— Finally, I once again stress that disagreeing with someone’s opinion does not show disrespect. In fact the opposite is, in my belief, the case.
It is not my intention to debate with you or change your opinion, just to clarify mine to you.

Respectfully yours,

Teacher X"